Freedom in Fertilityfeatured

I recently visited a friend who told me she’s pregnant. She told me that the pregnancy was a surprise.

I said:

“Oh to have such freedom… I envy that about you.”

Planning a pregnancy with type one diabetes seems to suck any type of spontaneity out of the picture!

I still remember the embarrassment I felt when I visited my endocrinologist for the first time after my diagnosis. I was 15 and sat in his room waiting with my mom.

No joke, after saying “hi” he said:

“If you ever become pregnant I need to be the first to know.”

Are you freakin’ kidding me I thought? How embarrassing… never kissed a boy… mom in room… urgggh!

He must have been dealing with some unexpected pregnancies at the time and wanted to make sure he drilled it into my head that unplanned pregnancies are a big no-no.

I can’t help but feel like I’m treated like a kid at times.

I feel like I’m bringing my report card to my endo… AKA… my “diabetes mom and dad.”  I’m waiting for his stamp of approval that I’ve been a “good girl” – with an A1C of 7.0% or lower – so I can start trying for a baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I want all the same things he wants… a healthy baby… BUT please acknowledge that this is HARD!

I sometimes dream of things just happening and I joke with friends about being a bad girl and disobeying my doctors.

It’s been a tough 6 months. Baby #1 is only a year old, but my hubby and I have desired another little one since he was pretty much out of womb. I know that may be hard to believe, but it’s true!

The last 6 months I’ve heard my doctor say “wait… let’s just wait and see what’s causing this exhaustion of yours.”

It turns out the exhaustion has been a thyroid issue, which I’ll tell you about another time.

It’s just hard having a medical professional tell you that it’s not a good time when you have this strong desire to have a child.

Please, endo, try saying this instead:

“You have a decision to make. I am here to provide you with the most up to date information so you can make your decision, but I know ultimately it is yours to make…”

I guess it’s the assumption that I will obey that bothers me.

In reality, though, I’m still exercising my will by following his recommendation. I am choosing to wait – but, please, know that it’s my decision not yours.